How Not to Stay Single After 40 is a step-by-step program full of helpful hints, explicit goal-setting instructions, eye-opening anecdotes, and motivational thoughts specifically geared toward women over forty who want to find lasting love. As relationship expert Nita Tucker explains, "Women over forty think that dating is a very different experience-well, it is! What most women don't realize is that having a relationship at this point in their lives can be richer, happier, and more fulfilling."

This results-oriented book teaches you that wanting a relationship is nothing to be ashamed of, that staying in a dead-end relationship will keep you from finding a thriving one, that there are simple and effective ways to increase the odds of meeting the right kind of people, and that you're a good catch and shouldn't hide it.

How Not to Stay Single After 40 presents a unique plan of action for finding that elusive, emotionally fulfilling relationship. It shows you how to stop waiting and how to start making the connection happen. Unlike other relationship books, this one is about changing what you're doing, not about changing you.

This book is for women over the age of forty who want to find a loving, passionate, and nurturing relationship.

It is not about finding an adequate relationship, one that is "good enough for someone my age," but a stellar, better-than-your-dreams, awesome, "light-up-my-life" kind of relationship. It is about having a relationship that up to now was supposedly available only to the young or those who could afford the young.

If all this book covered were how to be attractive so you could find this true love (which it does!), then, of course, it would be worth taking your time to read it.

But what makes this book unique is that it is about what is available, what is possible, what is different, and what is better about a relationship at your age. Instead of trying to imitate or repeat what it was like to be in love like a couple of twenty-year-olds, how about the real thing of being in love like a couple of forty-five-year-olds?

Sound pretty depressing? How come? How come we think that everything great is either over or has passed us by? Is that really true? When I ask people what it is like to be the person they are now rather than who they were at twenty-five, without exception, everyone has said that they now have much more self-respect and self-esteem, are much happier with themselves, much more at peace, and definitely more nurtured by their relationships with others. So how could a relationship between two such evolved human beings not help but be better?

The answer is that we often throw away all these assets it took so many years to accumulate in order to try to relive or recapture some picture from the past. We do this because the only models we have for falling in love are from our (or others') youth. But looking and acting as if we are twenty when you are fifty doesn't work. You may have seen women who try to do this. Inevitably, the very attractive, beautiful, sensual, middle-aged woman will not only look like a fool, but the cover-up will actually make her look older than her age. The same thing happens when a relationship is forced into an inappropriate mold: its natural beauty becomes disfigured.

It Can Be Even Better with Age

My friend Martha, who just turned fifty, was telling me about the new man in her life. "Nita, what I am going through in this relationship I have never experienced before in my life." She was nervous and scared, just as she had been when she was young and in love, but her emotions and her way of relating to another human being were bringing forth a new discovery of herself. This makes a lot of sense. After all, we have grown and evolved as we grew older, so it is only natural that our relationships would expand and grow as well. I was truly excited by her news.

In interviewing women about what is better about relationships at our age, they always answered with what was better about themselves at this age. I kept going after what more they were getting out of the relationships, and still they kept telling me how much happier they were with themselves. Finally, I got it.

My advice about whether to continue dating a man or move on has always been to check how you feel about yourself when you are with him. If you feel admired, respected, listened to, and attractive when you are in his company, then keep going out with him. I realized that as we get older and feel better about who we are, we are more sure of who we are. As a result, we get more out of being with another person, and the other person's feelings about us get through more easily.

I interviewed many people for this book, both men and women. The results and insights from those conversations appear throughout the book. The men I talked with showed a bias for women over the age of forty, and they were, without exception, successful and accomplished men who could easily have courted and won women in their twenties and thirties. One of the questions I asked only the men was, "What do you like about women in this age group more than younger women?"

No girl would like to see her boyfriend lose interest and walk off with another girl. The way she can ensure her boyfriend's love forever is to make sure that he is satisfied and happy with her. These helpful hints are effective when put into practice.

Be ready to invest
In order to have a happy and satisfactory relationship, you should be ready to invest your attention, time and willingness to keep things fresh and exciting. Don't expect things to come easy. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship healthy and strong.

Stop to smell the roses
Don't get too caught up with things that are unimportant. Sometimes it is easy to forget that he is the most important person in your life and you may start taking him for granted. Know your priorities and start giving him his due. Take things easy and enjoy every moment with him. This will keep him thoroughly satisfied.

Be impulsive and adventurous
Nobody can stay long in a relationship that is boring and unexciting. Make sure that you keep the excitement in your relationship. Be adventurous and daring. This will give you the boost you need. Be spontaneous and impulsive - he will love it.

Chuck the boring and dead routines
You probably know by now that there are certain things you have been doing together that just don't seem to be interesting or exciting anymore! Chuck them! Try out something new together. Do fun things like learning how to do the salsa or rock climbing! This will keep him happy and satisfied.

Look up to him
Have you stopped and considered how you have been viewing your boyfriend? Do you treat him as your hero or a knight in shining armor? Or have you been treating him as a doormat? Stop demeaning him and respect him. He will never be satisfied in the relationship if he is not being given his due!

Don't expect too much
Have you been expecting too much from him? If you have, then he is probably going to tire trying to keep up to those expectations! Don't forget that you are not perfect yourself! Let all your hopes and expectations be on par with who you are and who he is.

A time to be grateful
If you take the time to be truly grateful for who he is and the time you have with each other, you will enjoy every single moment together. This attitude of gratitude is what will keep him happy and satisfied with you.