How Not to Stay Single After 40 is a step-by-step program full of helpful hints, explicit goal-setting instructions, eye-opening anecdotes, and motivational thoughts specifically geared toward women over forty who want to find lasting love. As relationship expert Nita Tucker explains, "Women over forty think that dating is a very different experience-well, it is! What most women don't realize is that having a relationship at this point in their lives can be richer, happier, and more fulfilling."
This results-oriented book teaches you that wanting a relationship is nothing to be ashamed of, that staying in a dead-end relationship will keep you from finding a thriving one, that there are simple and effective ways to increase the odds of meeting the right kind of people, and that you're a good catch and shouldn't hide it.
How Not to Stay Single After 40 presents a unique plan of action for finding that elusive, emotionally fulfilling relationship. It shows you how to stop waiting and how to start making the connection happen. Unlike other relationship books, this one is about changing what you're doing, not about changing you.
This book is for women over the age of forty who want to find a loving, passionate, and nurturing relationship.
It is not about finding an adequate relationship, one that is "good enough for someone my age," but a stellar, better-than-your-dreams, awesome, "light-up-my-life" kind of relationship. It is about having a relationship that up to now was supposedly available only to the young or those who could afford the young.
If all this book covered were how to be attractive so you could find this true love (which it does!), then, of course, it would be worth taking your time to read it.
But what makes this book unique is that it is about what is available, what is possible, what is different, and what is better about a relationship at your age. Instead of trying to imitate or repeat what it was like to be in love like a couple of twenty-year-olds, how about the real thing of being in love like a couple of forty-five-year-olds?
Sound pretty depressing? How come? How come we think that everything great is either over or has passed us by? Is that really true? When I ask people what it is like to be the person they are now rather than who they were at twenty-five, without exception, everyone has said that they now have much more self-respect and self-esteem, are much happier with themselves, much more at peace, and definitely more nurtured by their relationships with others. So how could a relationship between two such evolved human beings not help but be better?
The answer is that we often throw away all these assets it took so many years to accumulate in order to try to relive or recapture some picture from the past. We do this because the only models we have for falling in love are from our (or others') youth. But looking and acting as if we are twenty when you are fifty doesn't work. You may have seen women who try to do this. Inevitably, the very attractive, beautiful, sensual, middle-aged woman will not only look like a fool, but the cover-up will actually make her look older than her age. The same thing happens when a relationship is forced into an inappropriate mold: its natural beauty becomes disfigured.
It Can Be Even Better with Age
My friend Martha, who just turned fifty, was telling me about the new man in her life. "Nita, what I am going through in this relationship I have never experienced before in my life." She was nervous and scared, just as she had been when she was young and in love, but her emotions and her way of relating to another human being were bringing forth a new discovery of herself. This makes a lot of sense. After all, we have grown and evolved as we grew older, so it is only natural that our relationships would expand and grow as well. I was truly excited by her news.
In interviewing women about what is better about relationships at our age, they always answered with what was better about themselves at this age. I kept going after what more they were getting out of the relationships, and still they kept telling me how much happier they were with themselves. Finally, I got it.
My advice about whether to continue dating a man or move on has always been to check how you feel about yourself when you are with him. If you feel admired, respected, listened to, and attractive when you are in his company, then keep going out with him. I realized that as we get older and feel better about who we are, we are more sure of who we are. As a result, we get more out of being with another person, and the other person's feelings about us get through more easily.
I interviewed many people for this book, both men and women. The results and insights from those conversations appear throughout the book. The men I talked with showed a bias for women over the age of forty, and they were, without exception, successful and accomplished men who could easily have courted and won women in their twenties and thirties. One of the questions I asked only the men was, "What do you like about women in this age group more than younger women?"